Gratitude

Let's start out with me clarifying that I am NOT glad in any way that I had a miscarriage prior to my pregnancy with Joaquin. I will never be happy that it happened. We lost a son or daughter - a life - and nothing can ever truly make up for that loss.

That being said, I like to try to focus on the positive in situations.

Being a parent to an infant is hard work. It involves sleep deprivation, the frustration of not knowing what you are doing, and a complete lack of personal time. For any parent those inconveniences are more than made up for with a simple giggle or smile from their little one. It's all worth it, of course.

But I think that for parents that have experienced a loss or struggles with infertility of any kind, there is an additional voice in your head reminding you of just how lucky you really are. All of those months (or sometimes years) of wishing for a healthy pregnancy and fearing that it may never happen flash before your eyes the moment you begin to feel sorry for yourself that you have not had time to get through one novel in three months. You remember all of those times you swore that if you were lucky enough to have a child of your own, you would never take it for granted. You remember all of the acupuncture, pills, doctors visits, temping at 5:00 am, and time you spent learning about fertility, all in the name of getting what you are fortunate enough to now have.

And in that split second, before you ever get a giggle or a smile from your baby, you forget whatever it was you wished you could be doing if you had the time and realize that now is the best time of your life.