I have 8 more day of maternity leave.
I am extremely lucky to have had this time with Joaquin. Most people get between 6 and 12 weeks of leave, of which most is unpaid. So, five months leave is very generous. I know that.
But.... sigh. It is going to be very hard.
It's not that I don't want to work. I thought I might dread the working part a lot more than I actually do. It's that I don't want to leave Joaquin. I am actually looking forward to certain aspects of returning to work. I'll be honest - I'm mostly looking forward to my paychecks. But, I am also looking forward to being around adults during the day and feeling like I have a life outside the house. Plus, two of the most incredible women I have ever met and had the fortune to become friends with will be at work.
But, in my perfect world (you know, the one that WILL NEVER exist except in my wildest, craziest fantasies), I would go back to work for about 25 hours a week, rather than double that (and sometimes more). Unfortunately, I have chosen a career that really doesn't allow that sort of schedule, even in the most flexible of circumstances. It's sort of all-or-nothing when it comes to corporate law. After all, I can't really imagine a client being thrilled to post-pone a multi-million dollar merger because I only want to work five hours a day.
So, here I am, near the end of what my friend's husband has dubbed "the vacation of a lifetime", about to go from 0 to 60 in about 10 seconds.
Mixed feelings abound.
One the one hand, my mom worked full time when I was a baby and still does today and I turned out pretty well (if I do say so myself). I am independent, self-motivated and have never once doubted that I could do anything I wanted. I have never worried about my ability to shatter any glass ceiling that came my way. I admire my mom for being successful both inside and outside the home and have always thought she set a great example for me. I want to teach Joaquin (and his future sibling(s), if all goes as planned) that women are just as capable as men at achieving in the workplace. Plus, I think working will keep my brain sharp. I never want to be one of those women who cannot go twenty minutes without talking about their kids and I am definitely headed down that path.
On the other hand, it makes me so sad to think that there will be days (and I'm sure they will be more frequent than I would like to imagine right now) when I only get to see Joaquin for a brief period in the morning and I get home after he is asleep for the night. And that will kill me.
But, no matter how I feel about it all, I will be back at work next Friday. And I am sure everything will be fine. At least, that is what I have to believe.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Sleep Training, Take Two
Sorry for the long break in posts. It's been hectic around here lately.
So, to catch you up, we decided to put sleep training on hold for a little bit after my last post. We were stressed out and it was emotionally draining. Plus, we were about to go on a trip to Jackson Hole and knew that any progress we made before the trip would almost assuredly be reversed by the change in routine.
About a week ago, we decided we were ready to try again. But this time, we started with just working on spacing out the time between middle of the night meals. I read the infamous book by Dr. Ferber and he suggested that we start with try to get the meals at least 2 hours apart and increase the time from there.
The plan was that if Joaquin woke up before 2 hours had passed since his last meal, only Jay would go in his room and soothe him back to sleep. If he woke up after 2 hours had passed, I would go in, feed him and put him back to bed.
The book suggested increasing the time between meals by one hour every night. We thought that was too harsh and decided we would increase in half hour increments each time Joaquin had successfully slept the allotted time between feedings.
We are now up to 4 hour increments and have been here for two nights. We were not successful last night (but very close). So, tonight we are still trying for four hours.
We also layered in the traditional Ferber method a few days ago (aka, crying). Unlike our first round of trying, we have been much more successful this time around. The first night he protested for almost 2 hours but on other nights it has been as short as ten or fifteen minutes. And, most importantly, he has been going right back to sleep without protest after his midnight meals. What a relief!
So, we are continuing with the training. We are happy we are doing it but it is definitely not easy on us.
So, to catch you up, we decided to put sleep training on hold for a little bit after my last post. We were stressed out and it was emotionally draining. Plus, we were about to go on a trip to Jackson Hole and knew that any progress we made before the trip would almost assuredly be reversed by the change in routine.
About a week ago, we decided we were ready to try again. But this time, we started with just working on spacing out the time between middle of the night meals. I read the infamous book by Dr. Ferber and he suggested that we start with try to get the meals at least 2 hours apart and increase the time from there.
The plan was that if Joaquin woke up before 2 hours had passed since his last meal, only Jay would go in his room and soothe him back to sleep. If he woke up after 2 hours had passed, I would go in, feed him and put him back to bed.
The book suggested increasing the time between meals by one hour every night. We thought that was too harsh and decided we would increase in half hour increments each time Joaquin had successfully slept the allotted time between feedings.
We are now up to 4 hour increments and have been here for two nights. We were not successful last night (but very close). So, tonight we are still trying for four hours.
We also layered in the traditional Ferber method a few days ago (aka, crying). Unlike our first round of trying, we have been much more successful this time around. The first night he protested for almost 2 hours but on other nights it has been as short as ten or fifteen minutes. And, most importantly, he has been going right back to sleep without protest after his midnight meals. What a relief!
So, we are continuing with the training. We are happy we are doing it but it is definitely not easy on us.
Monday, February 28, 2011
This Sucks
So the thing about being a first-time parent is that you have absolutely no clue what you are doing. Sure, you've read the books and you have advice from friends and family. But that doesn't mean you really know anything.
With most things, we can wing it and everything is fine. Don't like that toy? Okay, let's try another. But then there is the sleeping thing. Here, uncertainty in what the "right thing to do" is will drive a person mad. Some new parents, including some of our friends, are blessed with babies who magically fall asleep on their own and sleep through the night without the parents even trying. Others, like us, well that's just not the case.
So, as I have been documenting, we have been studying how to improve Joaquin's sleeping habits and attempting to implement the suggestions we have found in books written by "experts." But, unlike advice from experts to feed your baby every three hours, which is basically undisputed, advice regarding sleep training runs the gamut - don't let them cry or they will become emotionally withdrawn - you must let them cry or they will never learn to fall asleep on their own - only let them cry for certain periods of time - don't leave the room - the list goes on and on.
And because we have no better idea of what we are doing than the next set of first-timers, this is extremely frustrating, to say the least. Every time he cries our hearts break. If we knew for sure we were doing the right thing, those cries would be more bearable. But listening to your baby cry and not being 100% certain that you are doing the right thing is pure torture. The only thing we are certain of at this point is that what we were doing before was not working for our little guy or for us and we all need to be getting better sleep. Hopefully we will get there soon.
With most things, we can wing it and everything is fine. Don't like that toy? Okay, let's try another. But then there is the sleeping thing. Here, uncertainty in what the "right thing to do" is will drive a person mad. Some new parents, including some of our friends, are blessed with babies who magically fall asleep on their own and sleep through the night without the parents even trying. Others, like us, well that's just not the case.
So, as I have been documenting, we have been studying how to improve Joaquin's sleeping habits and attempting to implement the suggestions we have found in books written by "experts." But, unlike advice from experts to feed your baby every three hours, which is basically undisputed, advice regarding sleep training runs the gamut - don't let them cry or they will become emotionally withdrawn - you must let them cry or they will never learn to fall asleep on their own - only let them cry for certain periods of time - don't leave the room - the list goes on and on.
And because we have no better idea of what we are doing than the next set of first-timers, this is extremely frustrating, to say the least. Every time he cries our hearts break. If we knew for sure we were doing the right thing, those cries would be more bearable. But listening to your baby cry and not being 100% certain that you are doing the right thing is pure torture. The only thing we are certain of at this point is that what we were doing before was not working for our little guy or for us and we all need to be getting better sleep. Hopefully we will get there soon.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Developments Yesterday
Yesterday we had two "big" developments:
* Joaquin finally starting finding Peek-A-Boo hysterical.
* He fell asleep on his own in his bouncy chair while I took a shower (rather than scream at me to get out and pick him up).
Fun!
* Joaquin finally starting finding Peek-A-Boo hysterical.
* He fell asleep on his own in his bouncy chair while I took a shower (rather than scream at me to get out and pick him up).
Fun!
Happy 4 Month Birthday, Joaquin!
I can't believe it has already been four months since we welcomed our beautiful son into this world. It has been incredible to watch him grow and develop and we are so excited for what the future holds next.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Sharing a Link
I have generally avoided writing about politics on this blog, mostly because many (most) of my family members are of the opposite political party to me. But, I read this post on another blog and I agree with everything the author wrote (and am quite impressed with the legal analysis from someone who is not a lawyer).
It discusses the recent bill proposed in Georgia that will criminalize certain types of miscarriage.
Here is her take on it.
Bravo, C. You said it perfectly.
And, as my husband likes to say, if something like this actually becomes law in this country, we are moving to Spain.
It discusses the recent bill proposed in Georgia that will criminalize certain types of miscarriage.
Here is her take on it.
Bravo, C. You said it perfectly.
And, as my husband likes to say, if something like this actually becomes law in this country, we are moving to Spain.
Sleep Training Continued, Sort of
On Wednesday, Jay and I decided that we did not want to continue any sleep training that involved making Joaquin cry (not just fuss) for long periods of time unattended. Despite reading that it was perfectly fine, we felt very uncomfortable with it. We decided to put sleep training on hold while I did some more research. This decision was mostly prompted by my learning that Ferber himself recommended his approach starting at 5-6 months. Each month of an infant's life is so different, that it seemed unwise to start any extreme sleep training early. I sort of wondered why everyone seems so comfortable using Ferber so early.
So, I began reading the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I am about half way through at this point and we are implementing its recommendations. They are somewhat more nuanced than the Ferber method, which I think reflects a deeper understanding of sleep problems, habits and childrens' needs.
To boil it down, the book stresses the importance of at least two naps during the day - one around 9:00 am and one around 1:00 pm, with a wake up time around 7:00 am and a bedtime around 6:00 or 6:30 pm. A third nap around 3:00 is also desirable though difficult to achieve and may be short. The other two naps are supposed to be at least one hour, preferably two. The book does not require parents to put babies down to sleep awake, which leads to crying. It requires consistency - either soothe to sleep for each nap or put them down to nap awake. Don't go back and forth. At night the same thing goes (although you can vary the method from nap time). Babies Joaquin's age should wake up only two times to eat until they are nine months, at which point they should only have one mid-night meal.
So, I have been allowing Joaquin to nurse to sleep for naps, which has worked very consistently lately. At night, we go through his whole routine of bathing, nursing, burping and then we put him down awake. Jay does a sort of reverse Ferber method - soothing him by rubbing his back for about ten minutes and then letting him fuss (but not scream) for several minutes to see if he falls asleep. Then he repeats the process as needed. Last night it took about 25 minutes to get him to sleep and he never screamed or appeared scared. He just fussed. What a relief.
He woke up around 11:30 for his first meal. I nursed him, then put him in his crib awake. Jay went in to rub his back for a few minutes, then let him fuss. He fell asleep almost immediately.
We repeated the same routine at around 4:00 am. I couldn't believe how he had slept that long - normally he wakes up at around 2:00 am too. At around 5:00 am, he woke up again and started crying. I told Jay not to go to him for a few minutes. He fussed for about five minutes and then went back to sleep on his own until 7:00 on the dot. Success!!
Hopefully we can keep this going. If so, our days and nights will be much more predictable and we will all be better rested.
So, I began reading the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I am about half way through at this point and we are implementing its recommendations. They are somewhat more nuanced than the Ferber method, which I think reflects a deeper understanding of sleep problems, habits and childrens' needs.
To boil it down, the book stresses the importance of at least two naps during the day - one around 9:00 am and one around 1:00 pm, with a wake up time around 7:00 am and a bedtime around 6:00 or 6:30 pm. A third nap around 3:00 is also desirable though difficult to achieve and may be short. The other two naps are supposed to be at least one hour, preferably two. The book does not require parents to put babies down to sleep awake, which leads to crying. It requires consistency - either soothe to sleep for each nap or put them down to nap awake. Don't go back and forth. At night the same thing goes (although you can vary the method from nap time). Babies Joaquin's age should wake up only two times to eat until they are nine months, at which point they should only have one mid-night meal.
So, I have been allowing Joaquin to nurse to sleep for naps, which has worked very consistently lately. At night, we go through his whole routine of bathing, nursing, burping and then we put him down awake. Jay does a sort of reverse Ferber method - soothing him by rubbing his back for about ten minutes and then letting him fuss (but not scream) for several minutes to see if he falls asleep. Then he repeats the process as needed. Last night it took about 25 minutes to get him to sleep and he never screamed or appeared scared. He just fussed. What a relief.
He woke up around 11:30 for his first meal. I nursed him, then put him in his crib awake. Jay went in to rub his back for a few minutes, then let him fuss. He fell asleep almost immediately.
We repeated the same routine at around 4:00 am. I couldn't believe how he had slept that long - normally he wakes up at around 2:00 am too. At around 5:00 am, he woke up again and started crying. I told Jay not to go to him for a few minutes. He fussed for about five minutes and then went back to sleep on his own until 7:00 on the dot. Success!!
Hopefully we can keep this going. If so, our days and nights will be much more predictable and we will all be better rested.
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