I think that most of us have difficulty saying No. I certainly do. I have a strong desire to make other people happy and to meet certain expectations. So, in the past, I have attended parties I didn't really want to, done favors I didn't have time for and other similar things. It really was no big deal and I was happy to help or be social if it made someone else happy.
But oh how everything changes with a baby in the picture. Now all of these extra obligations are much more disruptive, at least for the time being. We had a great time over the holidays traveling to see various family members, but it was exhausting for us. But more than anything, we realized that it was exhausting for Joaquin. He hates the car. He needs regular naps. He gets upset in noisy situations. All of these things make it so difficult to be anywhere and everywhere we are desired.
So, I am trying to learn that saying No is not an insult, but is a necessary decision that I need to make for Joaquin. Easier said than done.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
To Buy or Not to Buy?
Never in my life have I been so indecisive about anything as I am about whether to buy a house. It is truly out of character for me to not know what I want. But I don't.
On the one hand, I have always dreamt of owning my own house. I fantasize about being able to decorate it just the way I want and make it mine, rather than figuring out the best way to fit our stuff into some rental until we move on to the next.
Buying a house is sort of the last big item on my mental checklist of things to accomplish in my life. Married - check. Law degree - check. Job as a corporate attorney - check. Baby - check.
So why am I on the fence? Part of me sort of wonders what I will fantasize about once we do buy a house. I've spent so much time thinking about how to accomplish those items on my mental checklist. What would I accomplish next?
But more than that - a house is so, well, permanent. Especially in today's market, if we buy a house we are probably not going to be able to move out of it for several years. That means that I can just say "Screw it! I'm quitting my job. We're moving inland!" Now, the chances of me ever saying that, mortgage or not, are slim to none. But, for now, at least that possibility is open to me. And that's sort of comforting.
And then there's the cold, hard reality of what we can afford. I could go on for days about this topic, but suffice it to say that it is truly depressing to know that two law degrees from a top tier law school are more likely to equal massive student loan debt than a massive house.
So, despite hearing all of the comments from my (homeowner) friends that: Now Is The Time to Buy!! Interest Rates Will Go Up!! Paying Rent Is Throwing Your Money Away! I think I'm still not *quite* ready to cross this item off my list.
On the one hand, I have always dreamt of owning my own house. I fantasize about being able to decorate it just the way I want and make it mine, rather than figuring out the best way to fit our stuff into some rental until we move on to the next.
Buying a house is sort of the last big item on my mental checklist of things to accomplish in my life. Married - check. Law degree - check. Job as a corporate attorney - check. Baby - check.
So why am I on the fence? Part of me sort of wonders what I will fantasize about once we do buy a house. I've spent so much time thinking about how to accomplish those items on my mental checklist. What would I accomplish next?
But more than that - a house is so, well, permanent. Especially in today's market, if we buy a house we are probably not going to be able to move out of it for several years. That means that I can just say "Screw it! I'm quitting my job. We're moving inland!" Now, the chances of me ever saying that, mortgage or not, are slim to none. But, for now, at least that possibility is open to me. And that's sort of comforting.
And then there's the cold, hard reality of what we can afford. I could go on for days about this topic, but suffice it to say that it is truly depressing to know that two law degrees from a top tier law school are more likely to equal massive student loan debt than a massive house.
So, despite hearing all of the comments from my (homeowner) friends that: Now Is The Time to Buy!! Interest Rates Will Go Up!! Paying Rent Is Throwing Your Money Away! I think I'm still not *quite* ready to cross this item off my list.
Gratitude
Let's start out with me clarifying that I am NOT glad in any way that I had a miscarriage prior to my pregnancy with Joaquin. I will never be happy that it happened. We lost a son or daughter - a life - and nothing can ever truly make up for that loss.
That being said, I like to try to focus on the positive in situations.
Being a parent to an infant is hard work. It involves sleep deprivation, the frustration of not knowing what you are doing, and a complete lack of personal time. For any parent those inconveniences are more than made up for with a simple giggle or smile from their little one. It's all worth it, of course.
But I think that for parents that have experienced a loss or struggles with infertility of any kind, there is an additional voice in your head reminding you of just how lucky you really are. All of those months (or sometimes years) of wishing for a healthy pregnancy and fearing that it may never happen flash before your eyes the moment you begin to feel sorry for yourself that you have not had time to get through one novel in three months. You remember all of those times you swore that if you were lucky enough to have a child of your own, you would never take it for granted. You remember all of the acupuncture, pills, doctors visits, temping at 5:00 am, and time you spent learning about fertility, all in the name of getting what you are fortunate enough to now have.
And in that split second, before you ever get a giggle or a smile from your baby, you forget whatever it was you wished you could be doing if you had the time and realize that now is the best time of your life.
That being said, I like to try to focus on the positive in situations.
Being a parent to an infant is hard work. It involves sleep deprivation, the frustration of not knowing what you are doing, and a complete lack of personal time. For any parent those inconveniences are more than made up for with a simple giggle or smile from their little one. It's all worth it, of course.
But I think that for parents that have experienced a loss or struggles with infertility of any kind, there is an additional voice in your head reminding you of just how lucky you really are. All of those months (or sometimes years) of wishing for a healthy pregnancy and fearing that it may never happen flash before your eyes the moment you begin to feel sorry for yourself that you have not had time to get through one novel in three months. You remember all of those times you swore that if you were lucky enough to have a child of your own, you would never take it for granted. You remember all of the acupuncture, pills, doctors visits, temping at 5:00 am, and time you spent learning about fertility, all in the name of getting what you are fortunate enough to now have.
And in that split second, before you ever get a giggle or a smile from your baby, you forget whatever it was you wished you could be doing if you had the time and realize that now is the best time of your life.
I Give Up on Cloth Diapers
My intentions were good, but I just cannot keep using cloth diapers.
While I was pregnant, I spent some serious time researching cloth diapers and ultimately decided that I was going to use them for Joaquin. The benefits are many, as I discussed in my previous post on this topic.
But, now, three months in, I just can't do it anymore. I feel bad about it, but ultimately I think the switch to regular disposables is what is best for us for now.
Once we figured out that Joaquin's witching hour issues were curable by making sure he got regular, quality naps throughout the day it became imperative that I find ways to make sure he could stay sleeping as long as possible when he did go down for a nap. Unfortunately, his cloth diapers would wake him up immediately after he peed even the tiniest bit. This makes getting an hour or more of napping time almost impossible.
Also, once he got a little bit bigger, he would soak through an entire outfit almost every time he peed. So laundry got out of control.
A few days ago I thought I would give cloth diapers one last shot. I tried the All-In-One models that used to be too big for him. On the first try he soaked through an outfit about 10 minutes after I changed his diaper. On the second try we had a serious pooplosion incident that I really don't want to go into detail about.
So, now I am feeling a little guilty about failing to live up to the environmentally friendly standard I had initially set for myself. But Joaquin's total turnaround in terms of napping and the witching hour has me convinced that it is the best decision for all of us.
While I was pregnant, I spent some serious time researching cloth diapers and ultimately decided that I was going to use them for Joaquin. The benefits are many, as I discussed in my previous post on this topic.
But, now, three months in, I just can't do it anymore. I feel bad about it, but ultimately I think the switch to regular disposables is what is best for us for now.
Once we figured out that Joaquin's witching hour issues were curable by making sure he got regular, quality naps throughout the day it became imperative that I find ways to make sure he could stay sleeping as long as possible when he did go down for a nap. Unfortunately, his cloth diapers would wake him up immediately after he peed even the tiniest bit. This makes getting an hour or more of napping time almost impossible.
Also, once he got a little bit bigger, he would soak through an entire outfit almost every time he peed. So laundry got out of control.
A few days ago I thought I would give cloth diapers one last shot. I tried the All-In-One models that used to be too big for him. On the first try he soaked through an outfit about 10 minutes after I changed his diaper. On the second try we had a serious pooplosion incident that I really don't want to go into detail about.
So, now I am feeling a little guilty about failing to live up to the environmentally friendly standard I had initially set for myself. But Joaquin's total turnaround in terms of napping and the witching hour has me convinced that it is the best decision for all of us.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Some pictures
Just hanging out on the couch:
Joaquin's first time in the jogging stroller:
Joaquin in his big boy chair:
Jay and Joaquin with our favorite baby gear item:
Joaquin's first time in the jogging stroller:
Joaquin in his big boy chair:
Jay and Joaquin with our favorite baby gear item:
Joaquin is making progress!
This month, according to the books at least, is when Joaquin should learn to roll over from tummy to back. We aren't there yet but he is definitely trying.
But, there has been a very pleasant development of a different sort. Joaquin has finally realized that his hands are, in fact, his! This is wonderful because now he can put them in his mouth when he wants to suck on them and, best of all, can reach for things he wants to touch. So, now I can put him in his bouncy chair that has some dangling toys that make noise and he actually plays with them instead of just getting bored and fussy in the chair. This is making taking a shower in the morning much more pleasant for me!
In other news, he has outgrown his 3 month sized clothes and has moved on the the 6 months sizes. With my very unscientific method of weighing him on our home scale, I estimate that he is just under 13 pounds now.
But, there has been a very pleasant development of a different sort. Joaquin has finally realized that his hands are, in fact, his! This is wonderful because now he can put them in his mouth when he wants to suck on them and, best of all, can reach for things he wants to touch. So, now I can put him in his bouncy chair that has some dangling toys that make noise and he actually plays with them instead of just getting bored and fussy in the chair. This is making taking a shower in the morning much more pleasant for me!
In other news, he has outgrown his 3 month sized clothes and has moved on the the 6 months sizes. With my very unscientific method of weighing him on our home scale, I estimate that he is just under 13 pounds now.
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