So the thing about being a first-time parent is that you have absolutely no clue what you are doing. Sure, you've read the books and you have advice from friends and family. But that doesn't mean you really know anything.
With most things, we can wing it and everything is fine. Don't like that toy? Okay, let's try another. But then there is the sleeping thing. Here, uncertainty in what the "right thing to do" is will drive a person mad. Some new parents, including some of our friends, are blessed with babies who magically fall asleep on their own and sleep through the night without the parents even trying. Others, like us, well that's just not the case.
So, as I have been documenting, we have been studying how to improve Joaquin's sleeping habits and attempting to implement the suggestions we have found in books written by "experts." But, unlike advice from experts to feed your baby every three hours, which is basically undisputed, advice regarding sleep training runs the gamut - don't let them cry or they will become emotionally withdrawn - you must let them cry or they will never learn to fall asleep on their own - only let them cry for certain periods of time - don't leave the room - the list goes on and on.
And because we have no better idea of what we are doing than the next set of first-timers, this is extremely frustrating, to say the least. Every time he cries our hearts break. If we knew for sure we were doing the right thing, those cries would be more bearable. But listening to your baby cry and not being 100% certain that you are doing the right thing is pure torture. The only thing we are certain of at this point is that what we were doing before was not working for our little guy or for us and we all need to be getting better sleep. Hopefully we will get there soon.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Developments Yesterday
Yesterday we had two "big" developments:
* Joaquin finally starting finding Peek-A-Boo hysterical.
* He fell asleep on his own in his bouncy chair while I took a shower (rather than scream at me to get out and pick him up).
Fun!
* Joaquin finally starting finding Peek-A-Boo hysterical.
* He fell asleep on his own in his bouncy chair while I took a shower (rather than scream at me to get out and pick him up).
Fun!
Happy 4 Month Birthday, Joaquin!
I can't believe it has already been four months since we welcomed our beautiful son into this world. It has been incredible to watch him grow and develop and we are so excited for what the future holds next.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Sharing a Link
I have generally avoided writing about politics on this blog, mostly because many (most) of my family members are of the opposite political party to me. But, I read this post on another blog and I agree with everything the author wrote (and am quite impressed with the legal analysis from someone who is not a lawyer).
It discusses the recent bill proposed in Georgia that will criminalize certain types of miscarriage.
Here is her take on it.
Bravo, C. You said it perfectly.
And, as my husband likes to say, if something like this actually becomes law in this country, we are moving to Spain.
It discusses the recent bill proposed in Georgia that will criminalize certain types of miscarriage.
Here is her take on it.
Bravo, C. You said it perfectly.
And, as my husband likes to say, if something like this actually becomes law in this country, we are moving to Spain.
Sleep Training Continued, Sort of
On Wednesday, Jay and I decided that we did not want to continue any sleep training that involved making Joaquin cry (not just fuss) for long periods of time unattended. Despite reading that it was perfectly fine, we felt very uncomfortable with it. We decided to put sleep training on hold while I did some more research. This decision was mostly prompted by my learning that Ferber himself recommended his approach starting at 5-6 months. Each month of an infant's life is so different, that it seemed unwise to start any extreme sleep training early. I sort of wondered why everyone seems so comfortable using Ferber so early.
So, I began reading the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I am about half way through at this point and we are implementing its recommendations. They are somewhat more nuanced than the Ferber method, which I think reflects a deeper understanding of sleep problems, habits and childrens' needs.
To boil it down, the book stresses the importance of at least two naps during the day - one around 9:00 am and one around 1:00 pm, with a wake up time around 7:00 am and a bedtime around 6:00 or 6:30 pm. A third nap around 3:00 is also desirable though difficult to achieve and may be short. The other two naps are supposed to be at least one hour, preferably two. The book does not require parents to put babies down to sleep awake, which leads to crying. It requires consistency - either soothe to sleep for each nap or put them down to nap awake. Don't go back and forth. At night the same thing goes (although you can vary the method from nap time). Babies Joaquin's age should wake up only two times to eat until they are nine months, at which point they should only have one mid-night meal.
So, I have been allowing Joaquin to nurse to sleep for naps, which has worked very consistently lately. At night, we go through his whole routine of bathing, nursing, burping and then we put him down awake. Jay does a sort of reverse Ferber method - soothing him by rubbing his back for about ten minutes and then letting him fuss (but not scream) for several minutes to see if he falls asleep. Then he repeats the process as needed. Last night it took about 25 minutes to get him to sleep and he never screamed or appeared scared. He just fussed. What a relief.
He woke up around 11:30 for his first meal. I nursed him, then put him in his crib awake. Jay went in to rub his back for a few minutes, then let him fuss. He fell asleep almost immediately.
We repeated the same routine at around 4:00 am. I couldn't believe how he had slept that long - normally he wakes up at around 2:00 am too. At around 5:00 am, he woke up again and started crying. I told Jay not to go to him for a few minutes. He fussed for about five minutes and then went back to sleep on his own until 7:00 on the dot. Success!!
Hopefully we can keep this going. If so, our days and nights will be much more predictable and we will all be better rested.
So, I began reading the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I am about half way through at this point and we are implementing its recommendations. They are somewhat more nuanced than the Ferber method, which I think reflects a deeper understanding of sleep problems, habits and childrens' needs.
To boil it down, the book stresses the importance of at least two naps during the day - one around 9:00 am and one around 1:00 pm, with a wake up time around 7:00 am and a bedtime around 6:00 or 6:30 pm. A third nap around 3:00 is also desirable though difficult to achieve and may be short. The other two naps are supposed to be at least one hour, preferably two. The book does not require parents to put babies down to sleep awake, which leads to crying. It requires consistency - either soothe to sleep for each nap or put them down to nap awake. Don't go back and forth. At night the same thing goes (although you can vary the method from nap time). Babies Joaquin's age should wake up only two times to eat until they are nine months, at which point they should only have one mid-night meal.
So, I have been allowing Joaquin to nurse to sleep for naps, which has worked very consistently lately. At night, we go through his whole routine of bathing, nursing, burping and then we put him down awake. Jay does a sort of reverse Ferber method - soothing him by rubbing his back for about ten minutes and then letting him fuss (but not scream) for several minutes to see if he falls asleep. Then he repeats the process as needed. Last night it took about 25 minutes to get him to sleep and he never screamed or appeared scared. He just fussed. What a relief.
He woke up around 11:30 for his first meal. I nursed him, then put him in his crib awake. Jay went in to rub his back for a few minutes, then let him fuss. He fell asleep almost immediately.
We repeated the same routine at around 4:00 am. I couldn't believe how he had slept that long - normally he wakes up at around 2:00 am too. At around 5:00 am, he woke up again and started crying. I told Jay not to go to him for a few minutes. He fussed for about five minutes and then went back to sleep on his own until 7:00 on the dot. Success!!
Hopefully we can keep this going. If so, our days and nights will be much more predictable and we will all be better rested.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Update on Sleep Training
This has been an incredibly LONG few days for me. Here's the rundown of how everything has gone so far.
Saturday
We started our training on Saturday afternoon with his second nap of the day. This meant putting him down in his crib while he was still awake - a first for him. Jay patiently rubbed his back until he fell asleep. He cried/fussed for about 20-25 minutes before he fell asleep. I was miserable, but was definitely overreacting.
For bed time we tried the same thing. After 15-20 minutes of back rubbing, Joaquin was more upset than ever, so we started a sort of modified Ferber method - leaving him for 5 minutes, then 10, then 15, with 3 minute check up periods in between where Jay would go in an rub his back and talk to him to calm him down. At about the two hour mark (yep, you heard that right), Jay asked if I could go in to calm him at the end of the next 15 minute period. So I did. And I promptly started sobbing. No more trips in the nursery for me. At two and a half hours I could not take it any more. I brought him to bed, fed him and we all fell asleep. Sleep training FAIL. Sigh.
Sunday
Nap time was much the same as it was on Saturday, although Jay said it took about an hour to settle him down. I was out running errands because I didn't want to be around and start crying. This time he used the Ferber method but decided that after the 15 minute increments he would pick Joaquin up for a short period and then put him down.
Bed time took about an hour and a half before Joaquin fell asleep - an improvement but not great. When Joaquin woke up at about 1:00 am to eat, I caved and he spent the rest of the night with us.
Monday - No Jay Around to Help :-(
Nap #1 - I waited until he was pretty drowsy, but not asleep, in the Bjorn and put him down in the crib for a nap. After adjusting his position for about 20-30 seconds, he settled in for a nap. Phew.
Nap #2 - I put him down when I thought he was tired. I used the same modified Ferber method that Jay did on Sunday night. Two hours and fifteen minutes of crying later, I gave up. About an hour later, I put him down again after waiting until his eyes were very heavy. He fell right to sleep.
Bed time - I gave him a bath, fed him, and took a short walk with him in the neighborhood. When we got back from the walk he was crying. I kept him in the Bjorn for another 15 minutes while tidying up the house. At exactly 7:00 pm, I put him in his crib. His eyes were not closing at all at that point, so I figured I was in for another terrible night. I stayed with him rubbing his back for about 7-10 minutes, and he was completely asleep. Wooohooo! I was thrilled. I "dream fed" him at 10:00 pm before we went to bed. He woke up at 1:45 and I fed him and put him right back down. He fussed for 5 minutes, then Jay went in and rubbed his back. He fussed for a few more minutes and then fell asleep on his own. We had the exact same experience at 4:00 for his next feeding. Not bad. He woke up for good at about 6:40 this morning.
Today:
Nap #1: This started in his stroller at the doctor's office as we were leaving. He slept in his car seat while I went to Mother's Market and to RiteAid and is still sleeping now - almost 2 hours!
Saturday
We started our training on Saturday afternoon with his second nap of the day. This meant putting him down in his crib while he was still awake - a first for him. Jay patiently rubbed his back until he fell asleep. He cried/fussed for about 20-25 minutes before he fell asleep. I was miserable, but was definitely overreacting.
For bed time we tried the same thing. After 15-20 minutes of back rubbing, Joaquin was more upset than ever, so we started a sort of modified Ferber method - leaving him for 5 minutes, then 10, then 15, with 3 minute check up periods in between where Jay would go in an rub his back and talk to him to calm him down. At about the two hour mark (yep, you heard that right), Jay asked if I could go in to calm him at the end of the next 15 minute period. So I did. And I promptly started sobbing. No more trips in the nursery for me. At two and a half hours I could not take it any more. I brought him to bed, fed him and we all fell asleep. Sleep training FAIL. Sigh.
Sunday
Nap time was much the same as it was on Saturday, although Jay said it took about an hour to settle him down. I was out running errands because I didn't want to be around and start crying. This time he used the Ferber method but decided that after the 15 minute increments he would pick Joaquin up for a short period and then put him down.
Bed time took about an hour and a half before Joaquin fell asleep - an improvement but not great. When Joaquin woke up at about 1:00 am to eat, I caved and he spent the rest of the night with us.
Monday - No Jay Around to Help :-(
Nap #1 - I waited until he was pretty drowsy, but not asleep, in the Bjorn and put him down in the crib for a nap. After adjusting his position for about 20-30 seconds, he settled in for a nap. Phew.
Nap #2 - I put him down when I thought he was tired. I used the same modified Ferber method that Jay did on Sunday night. Two hours and fifteen minutes of crying later, I gave up. About an hour later, I put him down again after waiting until his eyes were very heavy. He fell right to sleep.
Bed time - I gave him a bath, fed him, and took a short walk with him in the neighborhood. When we got back from the walk he was crying. I kept him in the Bjorn for another 15 minutes while tidying up the house. At exactly 7:00 pm, I put him in his crib. His eyes were not closing at all at that point, so I figured I was in for another terrible night. I stayed with him rubbing his back for about 7-10 minutes, and he was completely asleep. Wooohooo! I was thrilled. I "dream fed" him at 10:00 pm before we went to bed. He woke up at 1:45 and I fed him and put him right back down. He fussed for 5 minutes, then Jay went in and rubbed his back. He fussed for a few more minutes and then fell asleep on his own. We had the exact same experience at 4:00 for his next feeding. Not bad. He woke up for good at about 6:40 this morning.
Today:
Nap #1: This started in his stroller at the doctor's office as we were leaving. He slept in his car seat while I went to Mother's Market and to RiteAid and is still sleeping now - almost 2 hours!
(Almost) 4 Month Checkup
We had Joaquin's four month check-up today (just 5 days early). Here's the news:
* He is 13 lbs, 8 ounces (25th percentile).
* He is 25 inches tall (50th percentile).
* He can start eating rice cereal once a day now!!! We went out an bought an organic kind made from brown rice from Mother's and we might try it tonight if I can build his high chair during the day at some point.
* He had two more vaccinations :-(
He is perfectly healthy!
* He is 13 lbs, 8 ounces (25th percentile).
* He is 25 inches tall (50th percentile).
* He can start eating rice cereal once a day now!!! We went out an bought an organic kind made from brown rice from Mother's and we might try it tonight if I can build his high chair during the day at some point.
* He had two more vaccinations :-(
He is perfectly healthy!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Sleep Training
After much debate, research and contemplation, Jay and I are starting a formal sleep training program today. There is no agreement among the "experts" on what is the best method, which has made this extremely difficult for us. Until now, we have been very flexible with Joaquin and have either walked him to sleep in the Bjorn around the neighborhood or nursed him to sleep. He would go to bed sometime between 7 and 8 most days and wake up around 11 or midnight. Then we would move him into our bed where he would sleep with us for the rest of the night, eating every two hours or so. Sometimes he would go right back to sleep after each meal but most nights there would be about an hour stretch somewhere in there that he would just not want to go back to sleep. This usually involved us rocking him to sleep or me trying to nurse him back to sleep.
Some would say that we were doing exactly the right thing - always being there for him, never letting him cry, being flexible with his sleep (and ours). Others would say that we were creating very bad habits for him and allowing ourselves to become too sleep deprived.
Most methods of sleep training involve crying - both by the baby and likely by the mom too. This is why we have been so reluctant to try any of the methods. We hate to do anything that makes him cry or makes him feel like we are not there for him when he is upset.
But, in the end, we believe that a little crying for a few days is not going to do permanent damage and that if we can improve his sleep (and ours), we will all be happier and healthier in the long run. Additionally, it would be nice if I am getting at least semi-decent sleep by the time I return to work.
So, today for naptime we gave it our first shot. We put Joaquin in his crib when he was awake - a first for him. Jay then patiently rubbed his belly and whispered to him until he fell asleep. It took about 20 minutes. It seemed like hours to me. Thank goodness Jay did it. I don't know if I could handle it.
As I am typing this, Jay is in Joaquin's nursery trying to get him to go to sleep for the night. It is so difficult to maintain the willpower not to just give in and pick him up to comfort him, but we are committed to giving this a shot.
Wish us luck! I will let you know how it goes.
Some would say that we were doing exactly the right thing - always being there for him, never letting him cry, being flexible with his sleep (and ours). Others would say that we were creating very bad habits for him and allowing ourselves to become too sleep deprived.
Most methods of sleep training involve crying - both by the baby and likely by the mom too. This is why we have been so reluctant to try any of the methods. We hate to do anything that makes him cry or makes him feel like we are not there for him when he is upset.
But, in the end, we believe that a little crying for a few days is not going to do permanent damage and that if we can improve his sleep (and ours), we will all be happier and healthier in the long run. Additionally, it would be nice if I am getting at least semi-decent sleep by the time I return to work.
So, today for naptime we gave it our first shot. We put Joaquin in his crib when he was awake - a first for him. Jay then patiently rubbed his belly and whispered to him until he fell asleep. It took about 20 minutes. It seemed like hours to me. Thank goodness Jay did it. I don't know if I could handle it.
As I am typing this, Jay is in Joaquin's nursery trying to get him to go to sleep for the night. It is so difficult to maintain the willpower not to just give in and pick him up to comfort him, but we are committed to giving this a shot.
Wish us luck! I will let you know how it goes.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
That Felt Good!
I got a nice 4 hour stretch of sleep in last night from 10 until 2. This has not happened for a long time and it felt AMAZING. Joaquin has a happier mommy today!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Next Challenge - Learning to Take a Bottle
So, yeah, I know you can't spoil an infant. But, if you could, I think I may have done it. When Joaquin was a newborn we were forced to give him a bottle because our doctor mandated a few days of formula to treat his jaundice. It was not a problem and it did not interfere with breast feeding at all. We thought we were so lucky that we had a baby that was so flexible.
Cut to a few months later. I have not been away from Joaquin for more than 3 hours since he was born. So, it has really not been necessary to feed him with a bottle at all. And, because he was so good at bottle feeding when we did need to do it, I wasn't worried about this at all.
Unfortunately, Joaquin seems to have forgotten his bottle feeding skills.
Now I have a month and a half to help him remember how to drink from a bottle before I go back to work. I have heard that different babies prefer different bottles/nipples, so I just ordered a bunch of different kinds to try. Hopefully that will help.
Otherwise, I would love some suggestions from anyone who has had this problem and found a solution.
Cut to a few months later. I have not been away from Joaquin for more than 3 hours since he was born. So, it has really not been necessary to feed him with a bottle at all. And, because he was so good at bottle feeding when we did need to do it, I wasn't worried about this at all.
Unfortunately, Joaquin seems to have forgotten his bottle feeding skills.
Now I have a month and a half to help him remember how to drink from a bottle before I go back to work. I have heard that different babies prefer different bottles/nipples, so I just ordered a bunch of different kinds to try. Hopefully that will help.
Otherwise, I would love some suggestions from anyone who has had this problem and found a solution.
Joaquin is going to have a Manny!!
I am thrilled that we have finally figured out our childcare situation for when I return to work at the beginning of April. I have been experiencing intense anxiety over this problem for the last few weeks - both as a result of not knowing what I was going to do and thinking about leaving Joaquin with a stranger while I dragged myself into the office. I would lie awake at night worried that we would hire a nanny that would be a crazy driver or would watch TV all day or text her friends instead of pay attention to Joaquin, all while sucking a small fortune out of our monthly budget.
On a whim, I sent my best pal a message asking if her husband would be interested in watching Joaquin. He works an alternative schedule for his job so he is home during regular business hours and watches their son, who is exactly four months older than Joaquin. I didn't expect it to work out but hoped it would. The idea of having someone I already knew and trusted watch Joaquin was very appealing.
So imagine my surprise and delight when I find out that her husband is really excited about the idea! We are going to have to buy a double jogging stroller and probably a few other items to help him with having two babies, but we are all excited about this set up.
So, now I just have to worry about how it is going to feel to start billing hours again...
On a whim, I sent my best pal a message asking if her husband would be interested in watching Joaquin. He works an alternative schedule for his job so he is home during regular business hours and watches their son, who is exactly four months older than Joaquin. I didn't expect it to work out but hoped it would. The idea of having someone I already knew and trusted watch Joaquin was very appealing.
So imagine my surprise and delight when I find out that her husband is really excited about the idea! We are going to have to buy a double jogging stroller and probably a few other items to help him with having two babies, but we are all excited about this set up.
So, now I just have to worry about how it is going to feel to start billing hours again...
Nap Time FAIL
Today, after talking to another mommy about her experiences getting her baby girl (now 1 year old) to sleep, I decided to try something new. She said that she would put her daughter down in the crib and rub her belly or back until she fell asleep. Apparently this helped "teach" her daughter to go to sleep on her own in her crib. It did not involve the "cry it out" method, so I thought I would give it a shot.
Joaquin was in desperate need of a nap this afternoon. I expected him to start getting really fussy when I put him down because he had been borderline fussy for the last hour or so. When I put him down he started laughing hysterically. I couldn't calm him down to get him to sleep. Oh well, at least he was happy. Maybe I will give it another shot tomorrow.
Joaquin was in desperate need of a nap this afternoon. I expected him to start getting really fussy when I put him down because he had been borderline fussy for the last hour or so. When I put him down he started laughing hysterically. I couldn't calm him down to get him to sleep. Oh well, at least he was happy. Maybe I will give it another shot tomorrow.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentine's Day!
Today Jay and I are celebrating our 9th (!!) Valentine's Day together. Normally we would be doing something like going out to a nice dinner or a movie, but tonight we are planning on ordering a pizza after Joaquin goes to bed and opening a bottle of champagne. I can't imagine a better way to celebrate.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Recent Developments
This week we have had two "big" developments:
* Joaquin rolled over from his tummy to his back on Sunday morning. We have yet to witness it a second time, but it was a big moment when it happened.
* He is now able to reach for something he wants and grab it. This doesn't sound like much, but it has made a huge difference for me when getting ready in the morning because he is now happy for 10-15 minutes in his bouncy chair because he wants to play with the toys that hang from it. Yay!
* Joaquin rolled over from his tummy to his back on Sunday morning. We have yet to witness it a second time, but it was a big moment when it happened.
* He is now able to reach for something he wants and grab it. This doesn't sound like much, but it has made a huge difference for me when getting ready in the morning because he is now happy for 10-15 minutes in his bouncy chair because he wants to play with the toys that hang from it. Yay!
Date Night
Jay and I have made a point of having a date night at least every Friday night since we got married. We always look forward to it as a chance to unwind from our week, enjoy a nice meal and take some time to just sit and talk. Even when we were broke in law school and again when Jay was starting his firm, we always went on our date. There are a lot of reasons that our marriage has gotten stronger and stronger over the last five and a half years, and our date nights are definitely one of them.
We knew that date nights would temporarily cease upon Joaquin's arrival and we were fine with that. But, we hoped that we would resume regular date nights by the time Joaquin was three months old. Thanks to my dad and step mom, we have succeeded! We have gone on dates the last four Fridays in a row. They are a bit shorter and earlier than what we were used to before, but they are wonderful.
A date night is a great reminder that we aren't just parents, we are a husband and a wife. And we are so lucky to have each other.
We knew that date nights would temporarily cease upon Joaquin's arrival and we were fine with that. But, we hoped that we would resume regular date nights by the time Joaquin was three months old. Thanks to my dad and step mom, we have succeeded! We have gone on dates the last four Fridays in a row. They are a bit shorter and earlier than what we were used to before, but they are wonderful.
A date night is a great reminder that we aren't just parents, we are a husband and a wife. And we are so lucky to have each other.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Question to my mommy readers...
I'm not really sure how many other moms (or dads!) read my blog. And maybe it will be sort of depressing if no one is reading, but I have a question.
What are your thoughts on "sleep training"? Jay and I have not tried any sort of sleep training method as of yet. We noticed that sleep has improved both with time and with the introduction of regular naps in the day. But that is it. Our best nights will start with an initial 5-5.5 hour stretch of sleep from Joaquin (which usually begins about 2 hours before we go to sleep) followed by 2.5 stretches until about 7 am. This is not a regular occurrence but it does happen every once in a while.
Meanwhile, I have heard stories of babies sleeping through the night or only waking once in the night at Joaquin's age. And it makes me wonder if those parents are just lucky or if they have done something to help their baby sleep.
I have heard of the Babywise/Ferber methods and feel uncomfortable with them. But I'm open to hear what people say who have tried these or other methods.
So, please share your experiences and opinions!
What are your thoughts on "sleep training"? Jay and I have not tried any sort of sleep training method as of yet. We noticed that sleep has improved both with time and with the introduction of regular naps in the day. But that is it. Our best nights will start with an initial 5-5.5 hour stretch of sleep from Joaquin (which usually begins about 2 hours before we go to sleep) followed by 2.5 stretches until about 7 am. This is not a regular occurrence but it does happen every once in a while.
Meanwhile, I have heard stories of babies sleeping through the night or only waking once in the night at Joaquin's age. And it makes me wonder if those parents are just lucky or if they have done something to help their baby sleep.
I have heard of the Babywise/Ferber methods and feel uncomfortable with them. But I'm open to hear what people say who have tried these or other methods.
So, please share your experiences and opinions!
Learning to Say No
I think that most of us have difficulty saying No. I certainly do. I have a strong desire to make other people happy and to meet certain expectations. So, in the past, I have attended parties I didn't really want to, done favors I didn't have time for and other similar things. It really was no big deal and I was happy to help or be social if it made someone else happy.
But oh how everything changes with a baby in the picture. Now all of these extra obligations are much more disruptive, at least for the time being. We had a great time over the holidays traveling to see various family members, but it was exhausting for us. But more than anything, we realized that it was exhausting for Joaquin. He hates the car. He needs regular naps. He gets upset in noisy situations. All of these things make it so difficult to be anywhere and everywhere we are desired.
So, I am trying to learn that saying No is not an insult, but is a necessary decision that I need to make for Joaquin. Easier said than done.
But oh how everything changes with a baby in the picture. Now all of these extra obligations are much more disruptive, at least for the time being. We had a great time over the holidays traveling to see various family members, but it was exhausting for us. But more than anything, we realized that it was exhausting for Joaquin. He hates the car. He needs regular naps. He gets upset in noisy situations. All of these things make it so difficult to be anywhere and everywhere we are desired.
So, I am trying to learn that saying No is not an insult, but is a necessary decision that I need to make for Joaquin. Easier said than done.
Friday, February 4, 2011
To Buy or Not to Buy?
Never in my life have I been so indecisive about anything as I am about whether to buy a house. It is truly out of character for me to not know what I want. But I don't.
On the one hand, I have always dreamt of owning my own house. I fantasize about being able to decorate it just the way I want and make it mine, rather than figuring out the best way to fit our stuff into some rental until we move on to the next.
Buying a house is sort of the last big item on my mental checklist of things to accomplish in my life. Married - check. Law degree - check. Job as a corporate attorney - check. Baby - check.
So why am I on the fence? Part of me sort of wonders what I will fantasize about once we do buy a house. I've spent so much time thinking about how to accomplish those items on my mental checklist. What would I accomplish next?
But more than that - a house is so, well, permanent. Especially in today's market, if we buy a house we are probably not going to be able to move out of it for several years. That means that I can just say "Screw it! I'm quitting my job. We're moving inland!" Now, the chances of me ever saying that, mortgage or not, are slim to none. But, for now, at least that possibility is open to me. And that's sort of comforting.
And then there's the cold, hard reality of what we can afford. I could go on for days about this topic, but suffice it to say that it is truly depressing to know that two law degrees from a top tier law school are more likely to equal massive student loan debt than a massive house.
So, despite hearing all of the comments from my (homeowner) friends that: Now Is The Time to Buy!! Interest Rates Will Go Up!! Paying Rent Is Throwing Your Money Away! I think I'm still not *quite* ready to cross this item off my list.
On the one hand, I have always dreamt of owning my own house. I fantasize about being able to decorate it just the way I want and make it mine, rather than figuring out the best way to fit our stuff into some rental until we move on to the next.
Buying a house is sort of the last big item on my mental checklist of things to accomplish in my life. Married - check. Law degree - check. Job as a corporate attorney - check. Baby - check.
So why am I on the fence? Part of me sort of wonders what I will fantasize about once we do buy a house. I've spent so much time thinking about how to accomplish those items on my mental checklist. What would I accomplish next?
But more than that - a house is so, well, permanent. Especially in today's market, if we buy a house we are probably not going to be able to move out of it for several years. That means that I can just say "Screw it! I'm quitting my job. We're moving inland!" Now, the chances of me ever saying that, mortgage or not, are slim to none. But, for now, at least that possibility is open to me. And that's sort of comforting.
And then there's the cold, hard reality of what we can afford. I could go on for days about this topic, but suffice it to say that it is truly depressing to know that two law degrees from a top tier law school are more likely to equal massive student loan debt than a massive house.
So, despite hearing all of the comments from my (homeowner) friends that: Now Is The Time to Buy!! Interest Rates Will Go Up!! Paying Rent Is Throwing Your Money Away! I think I'm still not *quite* ready to cross this item off my list.
Gratitude
Let's start out with me clarifying that I am NOT glad in any way that I had a miscarriage prior to my pregnancy with Joaquin. I will never be happy that it happened. We lost a son or daughter - a life - and nothing can ever truly make up for that loss.
That being said, I like to try to focus on the positive in situations.
Being a parent to an infant is hard work. It involves sleep deprivation, the frustration of not knowing what you are doing, and a complete lack of personal time. For any parent those inconveniences are more than made up for with a simple giggle or smile from their little one. It's all worth it, of course.
But I think that for parents that have experienced a loss or struggles with infertility of any kind, there is an additional voice in your head reminding you of just how lucky you really are. All of those months (or sometimes years) of wishing for a healthy pregnancy and fearing that it may never happen flash before your eyes the moment you begin to feel sorry for yourself that you have not had time to get through one novel in three months. You remember all of those times you swore that if you were lucky enough to have a child of your own, you would never take it for granted. You remember all of the acupuncture, pills, doctors visits, temping at 5:00 am, and time you spent learning about fertility, all in the name of getting what you are fortunate enough to now have.
And in that split second, before you ever get a giggle or a smile from your baby, you forget whatever it was you wished you could be doing if you had the time and realize that now is the best time of your life.
That being said, I like to try to focus on the positive in situations.
Being a parent to an infant is hard work. It involves sleep deprivation, the frustration of not knowing what you are doing, and a complete lack of personal time. For any parent those inconveniences are more than made up for with a simple giggle or smile from their little one. It's all worth it, of course.
But I think that for parents that have experienced a loss or struggles with infertility of any kind, there is an additional voice in your head reminding you of just how lucky you really are. All of those months (or sometimes years) of wishing for a healthy pregnancy and fearing that it may never happen flash before your eyes the moment you begin to feel sorry for yourself that you have not had time to get through one novel in three months. You remember all of those times you swore that if you were lucky enough to have a child of your own, you would never take it for granted. You remember all of the acupuncture, pills, doctors visits, temping at 5:00 am, and time you spent learning about fertility, all in the name of getting what you are fortunate enough to now have.
And in that split second, before you ever get a giggle or a smile from your baby, you forget whatever it was you wished you could be doing if you had the time and realize that now is the best time of your life.
I Give Up on Cloth Diapers
My intentions were good, but I just cannot keep using cloth diapers.
While I was pregnant, I spent some serious time researching cloth diapers and ultimately decided that I was going to use them for Joaquin. The benefits are many, as I discussed in my previous post on this topic.
But, now, three months in, I just can't do it anymore. I feel bad about it, but ultimately I think the switch to regular disposables is what is best for us for now.
Once we figured out that Joaquin's witching hour issues were curable by making sure he got regular, quality naps throughout the day it became imperative that I find ways to make sure he could stay sleeping as long as possible when he did go down for a nap. Unfortunately, his cloth diapers would wake him up immediately after he peed even the tiniest bit. This makes getting an hour or more of napping time almost impossible.
Also, once he got a little bit bigger, he would soak through an entire outfit almost every time he peed. So laundry got out of control.
A few days ago I thought I would give cloth diapers one last shot. I tried the All-In-One models that used to be too big for him. On the first try he soaked through an outfit about 10 minutes after I changed his diaper. On the second try we had a serious pooplosion incident that I really don't want to go into detail about.
So, now I am feeling a little guilty about failing to live up to the environmentally friendly standard I had initially set for myself. But Joaquin's total turnaround in terms of napping and the witching hour has me convinced that it is the best decision for all of us.
While I was pregnant, I spent some serious time researching cloth diapers and ultimately decided that I was going to use them for Joaquin. The benefits are many, as I discussed in my previous post on this topic.
But, now, three months in, I just can't do it anymore. I feel bad about it, but ultimately I think the switch to regular disposables is what is best for us for now.
Once we figured out that Joaquin's witching hour issues were curable by making sure he got regular, quality naps throughout the day it became imperative that I find ways to make sure he could stay sleeping as long as possible when he did go down for a nap. Unfortunately, his cloth diapers would wake him up immediately after he peed even the tiniest bit. This makes getting an hour or more of napping time almost impossible.
Also, once he got a little bit bigger, he would soak through an entire outfit almost every time he peed. So laundry got out of control.
A few days ago I thought I would give cloth diapers one last shot. I tried the All-In-One models that used to be too big for him. On the first try he soaked through an outfit about 10 minutes after I changed his diaper. On the second try we had a serious pooplosion incident that I really don't want to go into detail about.
So, now I am feeling a little guilty about failing to live up to the environmentally friendly standard I had initially set for myself. But Joaquin's total turnaround in terms of napping and the witching hour has me convinced that it is the best decision for all of us.
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